Tourettes of my Mind

Yeah, I know. I've been really bad about blogging lately but to be honest, there aren't as many funny things that I can think of to blog about and I figure that no one really wants to know the boring day-to-day stuff BUT I did think of some funny stuff from last week to post. Forgive me for the randomness of this blog but these stories have absolutely no correlation other than the fact that they both involved me. Some months ago I saw a Groupon that piqued my interest because it was for laser hair removal and was only $99 for 2 areas, 6 treatments total, so I bought it. After waiting patiently, I finally got an appointment in February (right before we left for Mexico - separate story below). I diligently read through the instructions and was fully prepared for my first treatment (underarms and extended bikini which I had to pay extra for - apparently they only included 1 inch on the sides and top and considered that a bikini hair removal...I don't konw about you all but that ain't gonna cut it) which I don't mind admitting hurt like a son of a bitch but the pain didn't last long. I made my next appointment in April and put it into my iPhone to remind me. Apparently the phone didn't get the message because the appointment didn't synch to my calendar. I started thinking about the appointment and looking for it last Tuesday but couldn't find anything so I called that morning at 9:30 but had to leave a message because they did not open until 10:00. 12:00 rolled around and I hadn't heard anything so I called again but kept getting a busy signal so I sent an email asking for confirmation of when my appointment was. At 2:30 I was a little fed up with the lack of response so I called once again and finally got someone who acted like she had been waiting for my call. Keep in mind that you have to give damn near every piece of information to them when you make the appointments and sign the waiver so you can imagine that I was shocked when she said she didn't have my cell phone on record and couldn't call...why they couldn't use the number I provided in my voicemail and email is beyond me but they're the professionals. I find out that my appointment is actually that afternoon at 4:30 which normally would not be a big deal but you are required to shave all treatment areas before going in and, well, to put it delicately, I needed a weed-wacker to make a dent. I figured that I'd just be able to leave a little early, stop by a CVS or Walgreens, pick up a disposable razor and take care of the task at hand. Problem was my boss wanted to have a "quick" word around 3:50 which meant I was scrambling to get out of there by 4:15. I literally ran into Target, bought the first razor I saw and a pack of baby wipes and scrambled to get to the appointment. At approximately 4:35 I checked in and asked if I could use the restroom. When I got there, I frantically pulled down my hose (had a presentation that called for them) and began looking for the razor handle which I conveniently forgot in the car. Plan B involved holding the razor head in my fingers and trimming the forest. 2-3 minutes and a little blood later, I was sitting in the lobby waiting for my turn. In February, we went to an all-inclusive resort with 2 other couple friends for an extended weekend, kid-free, get-away. Since we wanted to be sure to get our money's worth, there was a substantial amount of alcohol involved. On the 2nd full day we were there, we decided to do a "pub crawl" of sorts and have a drink at each bar in the resort (15 total). Around the 5th or 6th bar, we were walking along the cart path and there was a guy riding a bike by who worked there. Husband has the same "filter" problem I have and sometimes acts before thinking so when the thought crossed his mind to jump out and yell "BOOOO" to this unsuspecting fellow, he did and I can honestly say I almost peed myself laughing at this poor man's face. Stupid Americans....