Random Funnies

So this blog is going to be random but, honestly, when are my blogs not. Here are a few funny stories I felt the need to share with you. WARNING: While these stories do not involve bodily functions (at least my own), the bunny story (last) is not for the PETA lover. I will provide another warning before I start this story so you might want to stop reading at that time.

SIL sent the funniest website (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/) which I would highly recommend checking out. Some of these texts were so funny I was crying b/c I was laughing so hard. One example: (619): Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.

In other news, my neighbor decided to cut down a tree in his front yard. I'm not sure if he was trying to remove the tree or just cut the shit out of it b/c it had grown so big but he left the roots and some big branches still in the ground and moved all the big branches with leaves to the back of his house. We recently dug up the trees we had in our front yard and put them in the same area as the neighbor thinking that bulk trash would pick up but when we got 2 friendly notices, one from the city and one from our HOA, we quickly realized that you have to set up an appt to have the bulk trash picked up and Husband hauled off to Plano Pure to avoid a fine. I told Husband we should do the nice thing and tell the neighbor this news but this neighbor is a little weird and Husband didn't want to get in a long and uncomfortable conversation with him. The branches had been left outside for quite some time and I was wondering when the notices would start to come...I now know they came as recently as last week b/c yesterday morning when I was leaving, I noticed that the neighbor had put out his garbage trash can and stuffed the 6-8 foot branches in the can. It looked like he had a damn tree growing out of the can. I got a good chuckle out of this (as did Husband) and I got a call from home reporting that the waste management indeed did not pick up the can. :) At least cut down the branches if you're going to stuff in the garbage can! I would have taken a picture but thought with my luck, the neighbor would have walked out at that moment and I would have had an awkward explanation to come up with.

WARNING: Stop reading here if you are easily offended (seriously, I highly recommend that not everyone read this). Names have been changed to protect the people in this story.
This story came from a person very close to me who I will call Sue. Sue decided to mow the lawn one afternoon and was happily churning along when the mower dipped slightly and fur shot out. When Sue moved the mower, she discovered that she had run over a rabbit hole that had bunnies in it. Thinking that she had hurt a baby bunny, Sue ran to the garage and got a pitchfork to finish off the wounded bunny so that it would not be in pain. Sue started piercing the ground and realized that there was more than one bunny in the hole so she ran back to the garage to get a sledgehammer. Keep in mind, at this point, the pitchfork was standing straight up in the last position Sue had stuck it in. When Sue started beating the ground with the sledgehammer, she realized that bunnies do indeed make a squealing sound when being bludgeoned and said "I can't stand this sound, I've got to go faster". I would like to ensure all reading this know that Sue is not a cruel person and this behavior is completely out of character for her but she has a well-deserved hatred for bunnies b/c they eat all her beautiful flowers and she cannot find a way to keep them away which is why this story is funny to me.
If I have offended you, you only have yourself to blame as I warned you twice.

PEACE.