Don't Censor Me!

WARNING: For those faint-of-heart or easily offended/disgusted, don't read any further. As I type this, Husband is shaking his head and pleading that I don't blog about this. But I will give credit where it's due, he's the one I can thank for the clever title and the blogging idea.
Being a Type 2 diabetic pre-pregnancy, I have had the fortune of taking a little white pill called Metformin. It's great for keeping the blood sugars down but has one nasty little side effect...have you ever held in a sh*t so long that when you actually were able to go, it felt like your colon exploded and all the shrapnel just flew out? Well, that pretty much sums up Metformin's side effect. Feel free to stop reading anytime now.
After I found out we were pregnant (let me stop here and pose a hypothetical question. Why do people always say we are/were pregnant. The last time I checked, Husband's waist and ass weren't expanding like that yellow foam you squirt in small places for insulation. I fully realize I have only him to thank for this small miracle in me but honestly, he's not going to have to squeeze a watermelon out of a lemon.) Anyway, after I found out I was pregnant, I had to switch to insulin since I wasn't able to keep the strict levels which are required from a diabetic preggo. "Not so bad" I thought the first time I had to shoot myself up. Boy was I wrong. While Metformin has it's nasty little side effect, the side effect of being pregnant and not being able to sh*t at all is almost worst. I'm up to 4 fiber pills a day and it still feels like I'm trying to move the Titanic from the sea floor. My prenatal even has a "softener" and it's still like I've become 1/2 rabbit when I sh*t b/c it's just these little pellets. I know, too far. My apologies.
If you found this even mildly entertaining, I highly suggest reading Jenny McCarthy's "Belly Laughs". Besides the fact that it solidifies there are people out there with my same sense of humor, her stories will have you rolling.